Today I am having surgery. This surgery is considered somewhat elective. It wasn't an easy decision to make...Craig and I have discussed it for about 4 years now. So it isn't something we rushed into and we explored numerous options. We have done our research and gathered facts. Today I'm having a tubal ligation.
When I first became pregnant it wasn't obvious how sick I was or how sick I would become. Actually by the end of my first trimester, everyone thought the doctor was crazy and didn't know what he was talking about. Craig and I joked about the "next" pregnancy. I think it was our way of not discussing what was going on with the pregnancy that we were in. I think that I knew something was terribly wrong from the beginning and although I thought I felt fine, I really didn't. I wanted to believe that everything was fine, that my body wasn't failing when I needed it most.
We all know how the story ended and in fact my body did eventually fail. Craig and I are beyond lucky to have a little girl that is healthy and strong. We will never be millionaires and our lives will never be "easy" but we witnessed a miracle and that makes life "easy" and is worth more than millions of dolloars. Gillian is our true pride and joy.
So after years of visiting specialists and numerous different OBs, the decision came down to what we were willing to risk. Risk the life of a baby, risk my life or call it quits while we are a head. We are choosing what is best for us as a family.
I have read amazing stories about families that have had preemies and go on to have normal healthy pregnancies and birthes after that preemie. I have also read the stories that don't have the happy endings. The ones where the mother dies, the mother has a stroke or heart attack, where the baby dies or the baby has a life long battle with a challenge. Those risks were too much for us to bear on ourselves and on each other.
Like I said earlier it wasn't easy to get to this decision, there have been many talks and at some points I have probably pushed Craig to the brinks of insanity but it all came down to what we want for our future. We want health and happiness and the 3 of us to be around to see it. So rather than enlarging our family we are choosing to focus on it. Appreciate everyday and be thankful for what we have.