Recovery

So the best way to describe the past 5 days is recovery.

My surgery Friday went as expected. I was a bit more sore than I had anticipated. And I would have never guessed the pain in my right shoulder would have been so much more painful than any other part of my body. Something about the gas they use causes the shoulder pain. I'm glad they warned me about the shoulder pain because I would have panicked if I didn't know it was a possibility. Craig has been so sweet. Making sure I relax and rubbing my shoulder. Encouraging me to take it easy which is not easy for me to do. Gillian was very cute, laying with me and inspecting my boo boos. I totally can see her being a doctor. By Monday I was starting to feel better. Which was just in time for surgery #2.

Yesterday I had a gum graft done. I had done research so I knew what to expect. It was worse than I had prepared myself to expect. Being awake and knowing what they are doing in your mouth even though I couldn't feel it was like torture. I tried to pretend I was on vacation with the bright light shining on me, eyes closed like it was the sun and MP3 player going with all my favorite songs. The 8 shots of Novocaine were painful which the Dr told me was the worse part. I have to argue that holding my mouth open while they took the skin from the roof of my mouth was equally as painful. I won't gross you out with the details because I find them extremely gross to even share. I am on tons of pain meds to make me comfortable and I'm catching up on sleep. Gillian and Craig are taking very good care of me. Letting me sleep and checking in on me. I'm very lucky to have them.

Surgery #2

Today is the big day, that I have been dreading for about 3 weeks now. Three weeks ago, I met with the periodontist.

Back in December I went for my normal 6 month check up at the dentist and was informed that I need to go for gum grafts on two of my teeth because the gums were receding so much that it is needed to reduce the pain I feel from sensitivity and to help make sure I keep all my teeth.

I knew this day was eventually coming, they have been watching these teeth for years. It just stinks that it is finally here. My hygienist who has been my hygienist for an extremely long time informed me that although she isn't suppose to tell me, it is apparently extremely painful.

I hadn't gone online to read about the surgery because I thought that it would just stress me out but when I started having nightmares when my imagination was getting the best of me I decided to seek out information on the internet. Needless to say, this just scared me more.

So, I still have not totally recovered from surgery #1 which makes me feel crazy that I have another surgery so close but doctors schedules were not working in my favor at the point that all these surgeries were scheduled. So I'm hoping that today isn't as bad as I imagine.

Surgery #1

Today I am having surgery. This surgery is considered somewhat elective. It wasn't an easy decision to make...Craig and I have discussed it for about 4 years now. So it isn't something we rushed into and we explored numerous options. We have done our research and gathered facts. Today I'm having a tubal ligation.

When I first became pregnant it wasn't obvious how sick I was or how sick I would become. Actually by the end of my first trimester, everyone thought the doctor was crazy and didn't know what he was talking about. Craig and I joked about the "next" pregnancy. I think it was our way of not discussing what was going on with the pregnancy that we were in. I think that I knew something was terribly wrong from the beginning and although I thought I felt fine, I really didn't. I wanted to believe that everything was fine, that my body wasn't failing when I needed it most.

We all know how the story ended and in fact my body did eventually fail. Craig and I are beyond lucky to have a little girl that is healthy and strong. We will never be millionaires and our lives will never be "easy" but we witnessed a miracle and that makes life "easy" and is worth more than millions of dolloars. Gillian is our true pride and joy.

So after years of visiting specialists and numerous different OBs, the decision came down to what we were willing to risk. Risk the life of a baby, risk my life or call it quits while we are a head. We are choosing what is best for us as a family.

I have read amazing stories about families that have had preemies and go on to have normal healthy pregnancies and birthes after that preemie. I have also read the stories that don't have the happy endings. The ones where the mother dies, the mother has a stroke or heart attack, where the baby dies or the baby has a life long battle with a challenge. Those risks were too much for us to bear on ourselves and on each other.

Like I said earlier it wasn't easy to get to this decision, there have been many talks and at some points I have probably pushed Craig to the brinks of insanity but it all came down to what we want for our future. We want health and happiness and the 3 of us to be around to see it. So rather than enlarging our family we are choosing to focus on it. Appreciate everyday and be thankful for what we have.