Saturday, February 27, 2010
Friday, February 26, 2010
Thursday, February 25, 2010
It was more just playing in the snow.
The pool is covered in snow just like everything else.
We had no snow prior to today.
Trees in our front yard.
Playing in the snow.
Pooh is a shepard/lab mix and weighs 90 lbs, the snow is as deep as the length of her legs.
Pooh standing guard behind the snowman.
I put food coloring in a spray bottle because I thought Gillian would enjoy playing with it. This was her garden.
Only my daughter would place the spray bottle on a spot in the snow that looked like a table:)
Craig was clearing the driveway while Gillian played. Gillian was watching him and she said,"Daddy is making a huge (pause) mess!" She did think it was neat that it looked like a waterfall.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
My friend says I'm blessed in more ways than one:) Lucky me! The fact that I am healthy after what I went through and Gillian is 100% healthy is truly a miracle. She said the fact that for the first two years of Gillian's life, Craig, his parents, my parents and I took care of Gillian to avoid daycare is a blessing. That most people don't have the family relationships that we are lucky to have that got us through an extremely difficult time in all of our lives. That fact that instead of Craig and I letting the pregnancy gone bad and the prematurity divide us we came together as a team shows our commitment to each other. We are truly blessed.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Gillian and Craig (this pic makes me laugh).
I had a very hard time picking a pic of Craig and Gillian to share.
Love this pic.
Gillian finally got me to crawl through the wall (seriously how safe is this?).
Craig and Gillian on the sleigh.
Sunday morning Gillian and I went shopping again. I very much enjoy that I can bring her along with me. She behaved very well and only asked for a few things. I made sure to bring her to a store I knew she would enjoy so it wasn't all about adult stores. Still no luck with decorations. Found tons for Easter though. The search is going to continue....
Friday, February 19, 2010
Gillian actually helped pick out her swing set but she doesn’t realize it - the joys of having a 3 year old. While Craig, Gillian and I were in Burlington for her heart doctor appointment we looked at Toys R Us since we don't have one at home. We found one on sale that we decided to purchase so Gillian and I wandered around the store while Craig paid and figured out what needed to be done.
It was very cute that while Craig was getting everything taken care of, Gillian and I looked at toys. She asked for a few items and I told her we weren't purchasing anything today but I could let people know what she would like for her birthday. Her response,"I don't want that for my birthday, I want a swing set." The girl knows what she wants.
It will be a nightmare to put together…I already know this. But we are hoping it will bring many years of happiness.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
My husband grew up with 1 sibling. He was the only boy and the youngest...total perks there too.
We have chosen to have an only child...total perks there. At first I didn't see the perks. I looked at the situation from my perspective, not as an only child. That is what I thought was right. That is how I grew up and I turned out fine. My husband grew up with a sibling and he turned out fine. How does one go through life without a sibling? It seemed very foreign and I had a lot of fears that my child would miss out on so much by not having a sibling.
Then I started to take steps back...to look at what I wanted for my family. I talked with Craig about what we wanted for our family. We want to take Gillian on vacations, help pay for her 1st car, help pay for college, we want to retire young (like 52), we want to be able to take adult vacations, we do not want to feel we have to hold back all the time because of money (take note of the word all - we are not loaded). I don't want her to miss out on an opportunity because we didn't have time or money. I don't want Craig or I to miss out on an opportunity because we didn't have time or money.
I have high hopes for Gillian. Not that she will be perfect. I want her to have opportunities that not all children may get offered and be able to accept them. I want her to dream as big as she wants to and aim for that dream.
Do I think she won't be able to accomplish her dreams with or without a sibling? Nope. Do I feel that our family is lacking because we are a family of 3 and a Pooh Bear? Nope.
Gillian is a unique individual. A sibling would not change that. I am now thankful everyday that we chose to have an only child.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Saturday night, Craig had a meeting so Gillian and I had a girls night. I have a foot care kit to pamper feet so Gillian and I spent an hour in my bathroom pampering our feet and I painted her finger nails and toe nails which she always enjoys. She is definitely going to be expensive when she gets older.....she loved the pampering.
Sunday was Valentine's Day which sometimes Craig and I celebrate and sometimes we don't. This year was a celebrating year. Gillian and Craig got me diamond ear rings which I love! Craig is getting an ipod and Gillian got Craig a box of chocolates and on each chocolate there is something that Gillian loves about Craig. It was very fun to do with Gillian, to hear her responses when I asked her what she loved about her Dad. It is definitely something that Craig and I will cherish and I look forward to sharing with Gillian in the future.
We went to a mid afternoon meal with Craig's parents which was nice. It was the first time I have really had food in a week...just have to cut everything in really small pieces. Then we came home and I gave Gillian a bath in my bath tub. It was like she had never noticed it until our pampering session. She was super excited to take a bath in a tub she could "swim" in. I took the below picture while she was in the tub. She is so beautiful! (I know, I'm biased)
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Friday, February 12, 2010
Gillian goofing around with Daddy's helmet.
A couple of funny things Gillian has said lately:
I was pouring Gillian and drink and she asked what it was. I told her Grammie water a.k.a. Propel and her response, "Love It!"
I put some grapes in a tuberware dish to bring in the car for a snack and I offered Gillian some, her response, "Alrighty!"
Thursday, February 11, 2010
The night before, Craig and I spent in a hotel because although bad weather hadn't been predicted, I wanted to make sure I made it to the hospital by 7am. We went out to dinner and enjoyed each other's company. We didn't really talk about what was going to happen just enjoyed having some time with just the two of us.
The next morning we rose (not happily as neither of us are morning people) and went to the hospital. I can't recall a single thing we discussed but I know again, we weren't discussing what really was happening.
We got to the hospital and all checked in. Craig was allowed to sit with me until they took me to surgery. We still made small talk but avoided what was really going on. We said our good byes and love yous and he went to wait and I headed for the OR.
I came out of that room feeling pretty much the same. A little sore but nothing a few days of rest wouldn't help.
It is now 5 days later that I realize I am different. Things did change in that OR that day. An emotional weight has been lifted. The battle that has plagued me for the past 4 years on whether to pursue another child is over and there is no turning back. Normally I would think about it at least once a day and go back and forth over pros and cons but that hasn't been the case recently. Today was the first day that I even thought I will never have another child. And instead of being upset or overwhelmed by that idea....I realized that it is okay. Gillian is the only child I need, she couldn't be more perfect. For the first time, I feel the battle is over and I couldn't be happier.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
My surgery Friday went as expected. I was a bit more sore than I had anticipated. And I would have never guessed the pain in my right shoulder would have been so much more painful than any other part of my body. Something about the gas they use causes the shoulder pain. I'm glad they warned me about the shoulder pain because I would have panicked if I didn't know it was a possibility. Craig has been so sweet. Making sure I relax and rubbing my shoulder. Encouraging me to take it easy which is not easy for me to do. Gillian was very cute, laying with me and inspecting my boo boos. I totally can see her being a doctor. By Monday I was starting to feel better. Which was just in time for surgery #2.
Yesterday I had a gum graft done. I had done research so I knew what to expect. It was worse than I had prepared myself to expect. Being awake and knowing what they are doing in your mouth even though I couldn't feel it was like torture. I tried to pretend I was on vacation with the bright light shining on me, eyes closed like it was the sun and MP3 player going with all my favorite songs. The 8 shots of Novocaine were painful which the Dr told me was the worse part. I have to argue that holding my mouth open while they took the skin from the roof of my mouth was equally as painful. I won't gross you out with the details because I find them extremely gross to even share. I am on tons of pain meds to make me comfortable and I'm catching up on sleep. Gillian and Craig are taking very good care of me. Letting me sleep and checking in on me. I'm very lucky to have them.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Back in December I went for my normal 6 month check up at the dentist and was informed that I need to go for gum grafts on two of my teeth because the gums were receding so much that it is needed to reduce the pain I feel from sensitivity and to help make sure I keep all my teeth.
I knew this day was eventually coming, they have been watching these teeth for years. It just stinks that it is finally here. My hygienist who has been my hygienist for an extremely long time informed me that although she isn't suppose to tell me, it is apparently extremely painful.
I hadn't gone online to read about the surgery because I thought that it would just stress me out but when I started having nightmares when my imagination was getting the best of me I decided to seek out information on the internet. Needless to say, this just scared me more.
So, I still have not totally recovered from surgery #1 which makes me feel crazy that I have another surgery so close but doctors schedules were not working in my favor at the point that all these surgeries were scheduled. So I'm hoping that today isn't as bad as I imagine.
Friday, February 5, 2010
When I first became pregnant it wasn't obvious how sick I was or how sick I would become. Actually by the end of my first trimester, everyone thought the doctor was crazy and didn't know what he was talking about. Craig and I joked about the "next" pregnancy. I think it was our way of not discussing what was going on with the pregnancy that we were in. I think that I knew something was terribly wrong from the beginning and although I thought I felt fine, I really didn't. I wanted to believe that everything was fine, that my body wasn't failing when I needed it most.
We all know how the story ended and in fact my body did eventually fail. Craig and I are beyond lucky to have a little girl that is healthy and strong. We will never be millionaires and our lives will never be "easy" but we witnessed a miracle and that makes life "easy" and is worth more than millions of dolloars. Gillian is our true pride and joy.
So after years of visiting specialists and numerous different OBs, the decision came down to what we were willing to risk. Risk the life of a baby, risk my life or call it quits while we are a head. We are choosing what is best for us as a family.
I have read amazing stories about families that have had preemies and go on to have normal healthy pregnancies and birthes after that preemie. I have also read the stories that don't have the happy endings. The ones where the mother dies, the mother has a stroke or heart attack, where the baby dies or the baby has a life long battle with a challenge. Those risks were too much for us to bear on ourselves and on each other.
Like I said earlier it wasn't easy to get to this decision, there have been many talks and at some points I have probably pushed Craig to the brinks of insanity but it all came down to what we want for our future. We want health and happiness and the 3 of us to be around to see it. So rather than enlarging our family we are choosing to focus on it. Appreciate everyday and be thankful for what we have.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
I was recently told that by taking my daughters birth that had horrible circumstances around it and although she ended up okay by forming Team Gillian and giving back to the organization that helped us is taking a bad thing and making it good. I see that now. I felt that I owed the the March of Dimes for all their research that saved my daughters life. When you owe someone something, you put an extremely high expectation on paying them back. If you don't then you should. I don't owe them but I do realize they need my help. By spreading Gillian's story, I help them. I bring awareness to the research they have done and a complete success story that I'm lucky to witness everyday. I wish that all preemie parents had a story similar to ours and hopefully one day because of the March of Dimes that will be the case. But it will take Gillian's story and all the other stories out there to get there.