Craig, Gillian and I were in the North Countryman today. Check it out.
http://www.denpubs.com/Articles-c-2010-04-28-72447.114134-sub_Marching_for_babies.html
Showing posts with label Preemie. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Preemie. Show all posts
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Monday, April 26, 2010
Ambassador Family Speech
My husband and I are honored to stand here with our daughter. We speak to you today as the proud parents of a NICU graduate.
Nothing with my pregnancy with our daughter Gillian was easy or considered normal. I was diagnosed with pregnancy induced hypertension 19 days after finding out I was pregnant and taken out of work. I was put on medication and told to go home to relax. At 14 weeks I was advised that I was high risk for having a premature baby. My doctor didn’t really offer information on preemies; most baby books don’t have a very elaborate preemie section so I sought comfort with the March of Dimes website. Because of this site I knew the terms that doctors used, knew what questions to ask and was able to seek comfort in success stories. This website helped me feel that I still had some control over a situation that was completely out of my control.
The blood pressure medicine and my bed rest only went so far and just shy of the 25 week mark I developed preeclampsia. I was admitted to CVPH then transported to Fletcher Allen; the doctors didn’t feel that I was getting sick rapidly so I was released with the hopes that I would make it another month. I made it 4 days and was admitted again, this time being told that I was not leaving until after my daughter was born. At 26 weeks 3 days my kidneys were showing the signs of failing and I was told that my daughter had to be delivered. The doctors had warned us that although I had received the two steroid shots to help her lungs develop faster that she would not be able to cry when she was born. Gillian was born crying, her cry gave my husband and I the greatest hope to start the NICU journey.
Our excitement was short lived as we got use to life in the NICU. The first time I was able to meet my daughter was when she was two days old and I had to be wheeled into the NICU. Nothing prepares a parent to see their baby in a NICU. The noises from all the machines, the staff working diligently with all the babies, all the wires and being surrounded by so many babies fighting for their lives is beyond overwhelming. Even with everything going on, I saw the most beautiful baby in the world. It was heart breaking to not be able to hold her.
Gillian was born weighing 1lb 12 ozs and 14.5 inches long. During her first few days she received treatments founded by the March of Dimes – surfactant to help her lungs inflate and nitric oxide to help her blood absorb oxygen. She was intubated for the first 33 days of her life and received 7 blood transfusions during her hospital stay. When Gillian was 6 days old I was discharged from the hospital. Walking from the maternity floor to our car in the parking garage at Fletcher Allen was the longest walk I had ever taken. Gillian and I should have left together but my arms were empty and I struggled to hold the tears in. Her NICU stay was the roller coaster ride we had been advised to expect – infections, procedures and waiting. After 93 days of waiting and hoping, Gillian came home. It was one of the happiest days of our lives.
Our journey with prematurity did not end when we walked out of the NICU that day which is what we had first expected. The first 3 years of Gillian’s life was spent meeting with doctors, speech therapists and physical therapists to make sure that Gillian caught up with her age group. We celebrated the successes and with every set back we hoped for a success in the near future to get us through.
Today, we can proudly stand here and tell you that Gillian has beaten the odds. She is a healthy, strong 4 year old girl that when compared to other children her age does not show any signs of her premature past. It is through the work that the March of Dimes does that gave our daughter this possibility.
We hope that you will continue to support the March of Dimes so that one day all babies are born healthy.
Nothing with my pregnancy with our daughter Gillian was easy or considered normal. I was diagnosed with pregnancy induced hypertension 19 days after finding out I was pregnant and taken out of work. I was put on medication and told to go home to relax. At 14 weeks I was advised that I was high risk for having a premature baby. My doctor didn’t really offer information on preemies; most baby books don’t have a very elaborate preemie section so I sought comfort with the March of Dimes website. Because of this site I knew the terms that doctors used, knew what questions to ask and was able to seek comfort in success stories. This website helped me feel that I still had some control over a situation that was completely out of my control.
The blood pressure medicine and my bed rest only went so far and just shy of the 25 week mark I developed preeclampsia. I was admitted to CVPH then transported to Fletcher Allen; the doctors didn’t feel that I was getting sick rapidly so I was released with the hopes that I would make it another month. I made it 4 days and was admitted again, this time being told that I was not leaving until after my daughter was born. At 26 weeks 3 days my kidneys were showing the signs of failing and I was told that my daughter had to be delivered. The doctors had warned us that although I had received the two steroid shots to help her lungs develop faster that she would not be able to cry when she was born. Gillian was born crying, her cry gave my husband and I the greatest hope to start the NICU journey.
Our excitement was short lived as we got use to life in the NICU. The first time I was able to meet my daughter was when she was two days old and I had to be wheeled into the NICU. Nothing prepares a parent to see their baby in a NICU. The noises from all the machines, the staff working diligently with all the babies, all the wires and being surrounded by so many babies fighting for their lives is beyond overwhelming. Even with everything going on, I saw the most beautiful baby in the world. It was heart breaking to not be able to hold her.
Gillian was born weighing 1lb 12 ozs and 14.5 inches long. During her first few days she received treatments founded by the March of Dimes – surfactant to help her lungs inflate and nitric oxide to help her blood absorb oxygen. She was intubated for the first 33 days of her life and received 7 blood transfusions during her hospital stay. When Gillian was 6 days old I was discharged from the hospital. Walking from the maternity floor to our car in the parking garage at Fletcher Allen was the longest walk I had ever taken. Gillian and I should have left together but my arms were empty and I struggled to hold the tears in. Her NICU stay was the roller coaster ride we had been advised to expect – infections, procedures and waiting. After 93 days of waiting and hoping, Gillian came home. It was one of the happiest days of our lives.
Our journey with prematurity did not end when we walked out of the NICU that day which is what we had first expected. The first 3 years of Gillian’s life was spent meeting with doctors, speech therapists and physical therapists to make sure that Gillian caught up with her age group. We celebrated the successes and with every set back we hoped for a success in the near future to get us through.
Today, we can proudly stand here and tell you that Gillian has beaten the odds. She is a healthy, strong 4 year old girl that when compared to other children her age does not show any signs of her premature past. It is through the work that the March of Dimes does that gave our daughter this possibility.
We hope that you will continue to support the March of Dimes so that one day all babies are born healthy.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
March for Babies 2010
Today was the March for Babies. I have been waiting a year for today. I wrote my speech in January so I would have plenty of time to practice it. I know I'm not a good public speaker so I was worried about how my speech would go. My friend has been helping me get comfortable with talking about Gillian's hospital stay and the first three years of Gillian's life. Prior to seeking out my friend I would get extremely choked up or cry if I tried to talk about it. So I was kind of nervous to give my speech but not as nervous as I expected. I've been practicing my speech daily for 3 weeks so I knew I was ready. And I feel that I nailed it. And now I feel amazing....it is like the largest weight has been lifted. Now everyone knows what happened....what we went through....I wish that I had been able to do it sooner. It was a beautiful day which was a nice change, normally we freeze or get soaked by rain. It was the perfect day to start living again....
Team Gillian 2010 - finished this year at $3260 for a total in the past 4 years of $11,623!
Grampie Brooks and Gillian
Craig
Grampie Brooks
Danielle, Jacob and Bill
Grammie Brooks
Grammie and Grampie Miner
Me giving my speech
Gillian and Craig during my speech.
And the walk begins....
All the people that came out for the walk.
Jody, Gillian and Grammie Brooks
Jody after the walk
Craig, Gillian and me
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Bicycle
Gillian got a bike for Easter. I wasn't sure how the bike would go over. I always admit that my daughter is not the most coordinated person. Due to either prematurity or genetics or both, she struggles with coordination.
She has been a trooper with it. She started to somewhat be able to ride it the day she got it and she asked daily to practice. She got the bike on Sunday and by Friday of the same week she is able to ride the bike around our development. She needs a little help steering but for the most part she is pretty good. She has had two major falls but both times got up and got right back on the bike even with the tears she continued on. During one of the spills, she even cut next to her left eye and it was bleeding but she continued. She did .7 mile Friday, .7 mile Saturday and 1.4 miles today. She loves to go pedalling on her bike and I love to watch her and be mesmerized by her complete coordination to do so.
She has been a trooper with it. She started to somewhat be able to ride it the day she got it and she asked daily to practice. She got the bike on Sunday and by Friday of the same week she is able to ride the bike around our development. She needs a little help steering but for the most part she is pretty good. She has had two major falls but both times got up and got right back on the bike even with the tears she continued on. During one of the spills, she even cut next to her left eye and it was bleeding but she continued. She did .7 mile Friday, .7 mile Saturday and 1.4 miles today. She loves to go pedalling on her bike and I love to watch her and be mesmerized by her complete coordination to do so.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
4 year apt today
Gillian had her 4 year physical today. Although her favorite book is The Berenstain Bears Go To The Doctor she would rather not go. Not that I blame her. She doesn't fully understand why some stranger needs to be in her personal space. She doesn't even like her personal space invaded by someone she knows....just like me!
I gave her a heads up last night that she was going to be headed to the doctor and explained hat it was similar to her book and was just to make sure she was growing the way a health kid (instead of cub) should. This really didn't help.
This morning she somewhat whined about it but nothing too life ending. Prior to leaving the house we bribed her with a mini kit kat bar that she would receive if she did well at her apt. She held onto it for dear life for the drive to the office. We convinced her to leave it in the car while we went in, mainly so the melted candy bar could regain some of it's shape from her holding it so tight.
Amazingly we timed it right and when we checked in there were 0 people in the waiting room and when we got called back there were 5 kids waiting plus adults. And we waited less than 10 minutes. Our office recently went computerized so there were tons of questions then we got to the stuff that we enjoy.
Weight 33.2 lbs (33rd percentile)
Height 41 inches (76th percentile)
I had expected a lecture about her weight as she is skin, bones and muscle but the doctor didn't say anything...possibly because Craig mentioned a concern about a tape worm because she eats all the time and never seems to get wider just taller (every person's dream!). The doctor asked her questions and she attempted to complete everything asked and was able to do the majority of it. She even talked back to the doctor after a while (she is not a fan of strangers and even less of a fan of strange men). I remembered to clean her ears but not brush her teeth (crap)...shame on us but we impressed him that she has been going to the dentist every 6 months and normally does get her teeth brushed. We were advised to give her more water and avoid bubble bathes because she is a girl. I had not hear this before but made total sense to me as I can not take a bubble bath. Other than that we got a - see you next year:) Woo hoo!
I gave her a heads up last night that she was going to be headed to the doctor and explained hat it was similar to her book and was just to make sure she was growing the way a health kid (instead of cub) should. This really didn't help.
This morning she somewhat whined about it but nothing too life ending. Prior to leaving the house we bribed her with a mini kit kat bar that she would receive if she did well at her apt. She held onto it for dear life for the drive to the office. We convinced her to leave it in the car while we went in, mainly so the melted candy bar could regain some of it's shape from her holding it so tight.
Amazingly we timed it right and when we checked in there were 0 people in the waiting room and when we got called back there were 5 kids waiting plus adults. And we waited less than 10 minutes. Our office recently went computerized so there were tons of questions then we got to the stuff that we enjoy.
Weight 33.2 lbs (33rd percentile)
Height 41 inches (76th percentile)
I had expected a lecture about her weight as she is skin, bones and muscle but the doctor didn't say anything...possibly because Craig mentioned a concern about a tape worm because she eats all the time and never seems to get wider just taller (every person's dream!). The doctor asked her questions and she attempted to complete everything asked and was able to do the majority of it. She even talked back to the doctor after a while (she is not a fan of strangers and even less of a fan of strange men). I remembered to clean her ears but not brush her teeth (crap)...shame on us but we impressed him that she has been going to the dentist every 6 months and normally does get her teeth brushed. We were advised to give her more water and avoid bubble bathes because she is a girl. I had not hear this before but made total sense to me as I can not take a bubble bath. Other than that we got a - see you next year:) Woo hoo!
Friday, March 26, 2010
The last 4 years...
The last 4 years of my life have been the hardest years of my life. It has taken me 4 years to admit that. I had to realize that I can't do it all, realize that I was scared and realize that I have to let others in...
Talking to my friend was the best decision. I feel so much better. The pain I have been feeling is now healing.
This is the first birthday of Gillian's that I haven't cried or felt any anxiety. I enjoyed her birthday and the week leading up to her birthday. Instead of dwelling on what has happened, I looked at my little girl and took in every minute. I had fun and I feel like the people around me had fun.
Normally I spend January through April in a rut of reliving the end of my pregnancy and the first 33 days of Gillian's life. Even though I wanted to move on, I couldn't because it was a life changing and threatening event. It isn't a situation that anyone moves on from, you learn to live with it and continue life. I've learned a lot about myself and the people around me by going to see my friend. I truly wish that I had done it sooner.
Talking to my friend was the best decision. I feel so much better. The pain I have been feeling is now healing.
This is the first birthday of Gillian's that I haven't cried or felt any anxiety. I enjoyed her birthday and the week leading up to her birthday. Instead of dwelling on what has happened, I looked at my little girl and took in every minute. I had fun and I feel like the people around me had fun.
Normally I spend January through April in a rut of reliving the end of my pregnancy and the first 33 days of Gillian's life. Even though I wanted to move on, I couldn't because it was a life changing and threatening event. It isn't a situation that anyone moves on from, you learn to live with it and continue life. I've learned a lot about myself and the people around me by going to see my friend. I truly wish that I had done it sooner.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Happy Birthday Gillian!
Four years ago at this moment Gillian joined the world. Although she was expected, she was not necessarily expected 13 and a half weeks early. Craig and I fell in love with her at first site. She has become the light of our lives. As the years pass and memories are made, we are still stunned at how fast it is going. It does not feel like 4 years ago, Gillian was born weighing 1lb 12ozes with an 85% chance of survival. If you look at her or talk to her today you would never guess that she was premature. She is our true miracle.
Happy Birthday Gillian!
Friday, March 12, 2010
Flashback #1
I went and saw my friend on Tuesday. I was thrilled to go see her because on Monday I started to get anxious and realized that this week is when I started to get sick during my pregnancy. I guess I was technically sick the whole pregnancy but this is when I started to get really sick.
I had a really good session and apparently this is very normal. That I may get anxious every year at this time. Some years may be better than others and I may start to remember things that happened that I have never recalled before. She told me I needed to try to relax and be forgiving to myself if I'm more emotional than normal. And to always remind myself that I never have to go through it again.
Click here to read the beginning of the end of my pregnancy.
I had a really good session and apparently this is very normal. That I may get anxious every year at this time. Some years may be better than others and I may start to remember things that happened that I have never recalled before. She told me I needed to try to relax and be forgiving to myself if I'm more emotional than normal. And to always remind myself that I never have to go through it again.
Click here to read the beginning of the end of my pregnancy.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
March for Babies
I had a conference call with the committee for the March for Babies on Friday. It lasted about 45 minutes and seemed pretty productive. This will be Team Gillian's fourth walk and my first year being on the committee. I'm excited to get more involved with the walk. Although I do still find this time of year stressful with memories, doing the walk side tracks me.
I'm the ambassador Mom which means that I will be sharing Gillian's story at the walk. I read through my speech every couple days so hopefully day of I will be completely prepared. I will also be interviewed by media prior to the walk to help get more publicity.
I'm also in charge of the March for Babies - Plattsburgh facebook page. Not that this is a huge role, I'm keeping everyone updated on facebook and again trying to publicize the walk more. I put the page together yesterday and today I added all the team pictures from last year. Next week I want to add walk pictures from last year and the following week I plan to add pictures from the Preemie Parade. I also plan to give weekly updates of which teams have signed up online from last year. It will keep me busy and I'm glad to help.
This year is also a big year because Team Gillian is going to hit the $10,000 mark in our fourth year of walking. It's a milestone, one that I'm really looking forward to.
I'm the ambassador Mom which means that I will be sharing Gillian's story at the walk. I read through my speech every couple days so hopefully day of I will be completely prepared. I will also be interviewed by media prior to the walk to help get more publicity.
I'm also in charge of the March for Babies - Plattsburgh facebook page. Not that this is a huge role, I'm keeping everyone updated on facebook and again trying to publicize the walk more. I put the page together yesterday and today I added all the team pictures from last year. Next week I want to add walk pictures from last year and the following week I plan to add pictures from the Preemie Parade. I also plan to give weekly updates of which teams have signed up online from last year. It will keep me busy and I'm glad to help.
This year is also a big year because Team Gillian is going to hit the $10,000 mark in our fourth year of walking. It's a milestone, one that I'm really looking forward to.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Heart Doctor - Part 2
Craig and I took Gillian to the heart doctor yesterday to check on her ventricular septal defect. We can proudly say the hole has closed. It was the last part of her prematurity that had still been plaguing us. We have gone back periodically to have it checked and this time the doctor had told us they would be able to run the tests and she would be at the age to really know if it definitely closed. When the doctor came in and told us that we were all set and had nothing to worry about, I breathed. I'm impressed that I didn't cry and I wanted to hug the doctor but I didn't. We said our thank yous and our good byes and we walked out of the hospital. I feel so relieved. Now I feel the victory. Now I feel like everything is going to be okay.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Heart Doctor - Part 1
Gillian was born with a ventricular septal defect which means she has a hole in her heart the size of the end of a needle. It is barely there but enough for doctors to know it's there. We have gone to follow ups in the past and always come out with flying colors. Today Gillian goes for what will hopefully be her last follow up. I want to be confident that it will be the last but I have learned in the past that things don't always turn out the way I expect or hope. Keep us in your thoughts today, fingers crossed that it will be our last visit to the Children's Hospital Specialty Clinic.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
The Battle is Over
I thought there would be mixed emotion over getting a tubal. I had expected it to be an emotional time. Turns out, it has become a relief that wasn't expected.
The night before, Craig and I spent in a hotel because although bad weather hadn't been predicted, I wanted to make sure I made it to the hospital by 7am. We went out to dinner and enjoyed each other's company. We didn't really talk about what was going to happen just enjoyed having some time with just the two of us.
The next morning we rose (not happily as neither of us are morning people) and went to the hospital. I can't recall a single thing we discussed but I know again, we weren't discussing what really was happening.
We got to the hospital and all checked in. Craig was allowed to sit with me until they took me to surgery. We still made small talk but avoided what was really going on. We said our good byes and love yous and he went to wait and I headed for the OR.
I came out of that room feeling pretty much the same. A little sore but nothing a few days of rest wouldn't help.
It is now 5 days later that I realize I am different. Things did change in that OR that day. An emotional weight has been lifted. The battle that has plagued me for the past 4 years on whether to pursue another child is over and there is no turning back. Normally I would think about it at least once a day and go back and forth over pros and cons but that hasn't been the case recently. Today was the first day that I even thought I will never have another child. And instead of being upset or overwhelmed by that idea....I realized that it is okay. Gillian is the only child I need, she couldn't be more perfect. For the first time, I feel the battle is over and I couldn't be happier.
The night before, Craig and I spent in a hotel because although bad weather hadn't been predicted, I wanted to make sure I made it to the hospital by 7am. We went out to dinner and enjoyed each other's company. We didn't really talk about what was going to happen just enjoyed having some time with just the two of us.
The next morning we rose (not happily as neither of us are morning people) and went to the hospital. I can't recall a single thing we discussed but I know again, we weren't discussing what really was happening.
We got to the hospital and all checked in. Craig was allowed to sit with me until they took me to surgery. We still made small talk but avoided what was really going on. We said our good byes and love yous and he went to wait and I headed for the OR.
I came out of that room feeling pretty much the same. A little sore but nothing a few days of rest wouldn't help.
It is now 5 days later that I realize I am different. Things did change in that OR that day. An emotional weight has been lifted. The battle that has plagued me for the past 4 years on whether to pursue another child is over and there is no turning back. Normally I would think about it at least once a day and go back and forth over pros and cons but that hasn't been the case recently. Today was the first day that I even thought I will never have another child. And instead of being upset or overwhelmed by that idea....I realized that it is okay. Gillian is the only child I need, she couldn't be more perfect. For the first time, I feel the battle is over and I couldn't be happier.
Friday, February 5, 2010
Surgery #1
Today I am having surgery. This surgery is considered somewhat elective. It wasn't an easy decision to make...Craig and I have discussed it for about 4 years now. So it isn't something we rushed into and we explored numerous options. We have done our research and gathered facts. Today I'm having a tubal ligation.
When I first became pregnant it wasn't obvious how sick I was or how sick I would become. Actually by the end of my first trimester, everyone thought the doctor was crazy and didn't know what he was talking about. Craig and I joked about the "next" pregnancy. I think it was our way of not discussing what was going on with the pregnancy that we were in. I think that I knew something was terribly wrong from the beginning and although I thought I felt fine, I really didn't. I wanted to believe that everything was fine, that my body wasn't failing when I needed it most.
We all know how the story ended and in fact my body did eventually fail. Craig and I are beyond lucky to have a little girl that is healthy and strong. We will never be millionaires and our lives will never be "easy" but we witnessed a miracle and that makes life "easy" and is worth more than millions of dolloars. Gillian is our true pride and joy.
So after years of visiting specialists and numerous different OBs, the decision came down to what we were willing to risk. Risk the life of a baby, risk my life or call it quits while we are a head. We are choosing what is best for us as a family.
I have read amazing stories about families that have had preemies and go on to have normal healthy pregnancies and birthes after that preemie. I have also read the stories that don't have the happy endings. The ones where the mother dies, the mother has a stroke or heart attack, where the baby dies or the baby has a life long battle with a challenge. Those risks were too much for us to bear on ourselves and on each other.
Like I said earlier it wasn't easy to get to this decision, there have been many talks and at some points I have probably pushed Craig to the brinks of insanity but it all came down to what we want for our future. We want health and happiness and the 3 of us to be around to see it. So rather than enlarging our family we are choosing to focus on it. Appreciate everyday and be thankful for what we have.
When I first became pregnant it wasn't obvious how sick I was or how sick I would become. Actually by the end of my first trimester, everyone thought the doctor was crazy and didn't know what he was talking about. Craig and I joked about the "next" pregnancy. I think it was our way of not discussing what was going on with the pregnancy that we were in. I think that I knew something was terribly wrong from the beginning and although I thought I felt fine, I really didn't. I wanted to believe that everything was fine, that my body wasn't failing when I needed it most.
We all know how the story ended and in fact my body did eventually fail. Craig and I are beyond lucky to have a little girl that is healthy and strong. We will never be millionaires and our lives will never be "easy" but we witnessed a miracle and that makes life "easy" and is worth more than millions of dolloars. Gillian is our true pride and joy.
So after years of visiting specialists and numerous different OBs, the decision came down to what we were willing to risk. Risk the life of a baby, risk my life or call it quits while we are a head. We are choosing what is best for us as a family.
I have read amazing stories about families that have had preemies and go on to have normal healthy pregnancies and birthes after that preemie. I have also read the stories that don't have the happy endings. The ones where the mother dies, the mother has a stroke or heart attack, where the baby dies or the baby has a life long battle with a challenge. Those risks were too much for us to bear on ourselves and on each other.
Like I said earlier it wasn't easy to get to this decision, there have been many talks and at some points I have probably pushed Craig to the brinks of insanity but it all came down to what we want for our future. We want health and happiness and the 3 of us to be around to see it. So rather than enlarging our family we are choosing to focus on it. Appreciate everyday and be thankful for what we have.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Fundraiser
Anyone reading my blog saw last month that I had the lucky lotto number listed each day. That was for a fundraiser for the March for Babies that Team Gillian was doing for the upcoming walk in April. The team was able to sell 314 tickets which was good (had me a little nervous because 320 broke even) but the chances of a winner everyday weren't that great so my fingers were crossed that this worked in Team Gillian's favor. It did and we were able to raise $1,170 for the walk. Woohoo! This is the first year that it is February and I'm calm. Normally right up until all the money is handed in I'm stressing about how much we have raised. I never think enough is enough but this year my views are different.
I was recently told that by taking my daughters birth that had horrible circumstances around it and although she ended up okay by forming Team Gillian and giving back to the organization that helped us is taking a bad thing and making it good. I see that now. I felt that I owed the the March of Dimes for all their research that saved my daughters life. When you owe someone something, you put an extremely high expectation on paying them back. If you don't then you should. I don't owe them but I do realize they need my help. By spreading Gillian's story, I help them. I bring awareness to the research they have done and a complete success story that I'm lucky to witness everyday. I wish that all preemie parents had a story similar to ours and hopefully one day because of the March of Dimes that will be the case. But it will take Gillian's story and all the other stories out there to get there.
I was recently told that by taking my daughters birth that had horrible circumstances around it and although she ended up okay by forming Team Gillian and giving back to the organization that helped us is taking a bad thing and making it good. I see that now. I felt that I owed the the March of Dimes for all their research that saved my daughters life. When you owe someone something, you put an extremely high expectation on paying them back. If you don't then you should. I don't owe them but I do realize they need my help. By spreading Gillian's story, I help them. I bring awareness to the research they have done and a complete success story that I'm lucky to witness everyday. I wish that all preemie parents had a story similar to ours and hopefully one day because of the March of Dimes that will be the case. But it will take Gillian's story and all the other stories out there to get there.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Significance of today...
Four years ago today, Craig and I found out we were expecting a girl.
I think that I will always remember January 31st. I went to the appointment alone. Craig was at the academy and I didn't feel that it was fair to bring someone else and they would find out what we were having before him. A friend of mine was going to Albany for work and although it wasn't planned on my part, I decided to join her so that I could tell Craig in person and show him the ultrasound pictures. I thought it would be so much more meaningful in person. When Craig was in the academy I had to wait for him to call, I had no way to get a hold of him. So Erika and I went to dinner and waited and waited for him to call. Finally he called and of course wanted information which I told him he would have to wait until I saw him and then I let him know that I was only 10 minutes away. He felt bad because he would have called sooner if he had known I was there. We drove to some parking lot of some grocery store and Erika (being a sweetheart) went inside so we could be alone. I showed him the ultrasound pictures and told him to guess (like anyone except experts can read that) and he guessed a boy which then I informed him that it was a girl. We then let everyone else know it was a girl.
After I left Craig that night I went and did some baby shopping. It was nice to know who I would be shopping for. I liked finding out what the sex of my child was, it was another piece to the puzzle of getting to meet her.
Lucky lotto number for the players out there - 435
Lucky lotto number for the players out there - 435
Friday, January 29, 2010
Hair
Gillian's hair grows really slow...I'm talking snails pace slow. For the longest time she didn't really have any hair, and I mean a long time. Her hair is curly and straight and sometimes unruly. In the morning she could totally join an '80s rock band.
The best was when my younger brother and his gf came over one Sunday morning and said, "What did you do to Gillian's hair?"
And my response,"That's how she wakes up."
His response, "Really?"
My response,"Yup, she isn't the get up and go type girl. Her hair needs help."
I get her hair trimmed but she has never had any significant amount cut off so here is a photo line up of her hair over the past almost 4 years.
Gillian had hair at birth.
6 months later - same amount of hair. (Gillian & Uncle Tom)
1 year later - same amount of hair.
1.5 years - starting to grow but more like a crew cut.
2 years - start seeing the unruliness coming out. Had 1 hair cut to trim her bangs by this time.
Picked this pic because I thought it was cute - looks like she is going to have straight hair (so misleading).
2.5 years - cute curly short hair do.
3 years - look at those curls.
Still her 3rd birthday - front view. (Gillian had a 103 degree tempt in this pic)
This is a prime pic of the unruly hair. ('80s?)
3.5 years - love this pic...so curly.
Almost 4 - I took this pic this morning. Last summer I asked Gillian if she wanted bangs and she said, "No, I want hair like you Mommie." So we have been growing them out for some time. They are finally long enough to tuck behind her ear.
Lucky lotto number for the players out there - 482
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Donating blood
I was suppose to get up early this morning and go for blood work. Craig got an unexpected phone call which threw off my morning so I decided to push the blood work off to another day...I had been told it wasn't a rush just routine blood work anyway. So my day proceeded like normal, dropped Gillian off at daycare and went to work. Around lunch time (I sit at my desk and eat lunch unless I have something better to do) I got the idea of going to do my blood work. It wasn't too cold out so I would just go get it done. On my way there I decided I would ask about donating blood....if they are taking a couple of tubes why not add a pint to it, right? So I asked and was informed that I would have to go to an actual office that all they do is blood donations which happened to be right next door. So I had my blood work done and I was going to use the excuse that I just had blood draw so I can't donate today because I was starting to chicken out but instead I walked over and figured I would just get information. I got a lot more than information.
First I looked through the window....no one in site, I could have totally run away.
So I opened the door and walked in and was greeted by a very nice woman who asked, "Are you here to donate blood?"
I answer, "Well I just had blood work so I'm not sure I can but I would like information" (oh please let me leave unharmed!).
Her reply, "You have plenty of blood to still be able to donate!"
So me not wanting to seem greedy with my blood said, "Okay."
That is how it started. Next thing I knew I was filling out paperwork trying to figure out how I can get out of there and realizing that I had no good way out and that I really should donate blood. So as my husband would say, "Suck it up Barb!" So I finished the paperwork and sat in a large relaxing chair and watched TV. The nurses did my vitals and prepped my arm, I didn't feel the pick in my arm and it didn't seem bad at all. It also helped that the women there were hilarious. They kept talking to me the entire time and asking if I was okay. It was nice and relaxing (sounds strange I know this). It was all done before I knew it. So they sat me up offered me a cookie and a drink. Well this is where they made a fan....Diet Pepsi:) A free 20 oz of diet Pepsi for a pint of blood and a cookie....sign me up! They should advertise this! The excitement overwhelmed me and I became light headed so laying back was where I went, ice pack and a bottle of orange juice was given to me. They kept talking to me to make sure I was okay and kept asking if I was lying about how I felt so they would let me leave. Why would I lie...then back to work for me...lol! Within 10 minutes I was back to normal and fine....and they let me have the diet Pepsi too:)
So I survived and everyone else could too. I didn't realize how easy and painless it is. There is a reason that I have wanted to donate blood and yes, like most things it is related to my daughter. While she was in the hospital she received 7 blood transfusions. She was born so early that her body didn't produce it's own blood (she was still suppose to be using my body to survive) so whenever the doctors did tests, they had to replace the blood they took because her body couldn't. It was special blood (something to do with high red blood cell count) that can't be taken quickly so Craig and I couldn't donate our own. Someone gave that blood to help my daughter survive so I gave blood today to help someone else survive. It's a cycle that I hope to continue. I told the woman today I owned them more because I feel indebted for at least what we have received. So I plan to return for another visit in late March or early April...I have to heal from my surgeries on the 5th & 8th of February. So if you have time and can spare a pint, donate, it's not as bad as it seems.
Lucky lotto number for the players out there - 674
First I looked through the window....no one in site, I could have totally run away.
So I opened the door and walked in and was greeted by a very nice woman who asked, "Are you here to donate blood?"
I answer, "Well I just had blood work so I'm not sure I can but I would like information" (oh please let me leave unharmed!).
Her reply, "You have plenty of blood to still be able to donate!"
So me not wanting to seem greedy with my blood said, "Okay."
That is how it started. Next thing I knew I was filling out paperwork trying to figure out how I can get out of there and realizing that I had no good way out and that I really should donate blood. So as my husband would say, "Suck it up Barb!" So I finished the paperwork and sat in a large relaxing chair and watched TV. The nurses did my vitals and prepped my arm, I didn't feel the pick in my arm and it didn't seem bad at all. It also helped that the women there were hilarious. They kept talking to me the entire time and asking if I was okay. It was nice and relaxing (sounds strange I know this). It was all done before I knew it. So they sat me up offered me a cookie and a drink. Well this is where they made a fan....Diet Pepsi:) A free 20 oz of diet Pepsi for a pint of blood and a cookie....sign me up! They should advertise this! The excitement overwhelmed me and I became light headed so laying back was where I went, ice pack and a bottle of orange juice was given to me. They kept talking to me to make sure I was okay and kept asking if I was lying about how I felt so they would let me leave. Why would I lie...then back to work for me...lol! Within 10 minutes I was back to normal and fine....and they let me have the diet Pepsi too:)
So I survived and everyone else could too. I didn't realize how easy and painless it is. There is a reason that I have wanted to donate blood and yes, like most things it is related to my daughter. While she was in the hospital she received 7 blood transfusions. She was born so early that her body didn't produce it's own blood (she was still suppose to be using my body to survive) so whenever the doctors did tests, they had to replace the blood they took because her body couldn't. It was special blood (something to do with high red blood cell count) that can't be taken quickly so Craig and I couldn't donate our own. Someone gave that blood to help my daughter survive so I gave blood today to help someone else survive. It's a cycle that I hope to continue. I told the woman today I owned them more because I feel indebted for at least what we have received. So I plan to return for another visit in late March or early April...I have to heal from my surgeries on the 5th & 8th of February. So if you have time and can spare a pint, donate, it's not as bad as it seems.
Lucky lotto number for the players out there - 674
Friday, December 11, 2009
Emotionally Traumatic
So a friend of mine is in college and she has a class project where she has to interview someone about a traumatic emotional experience that could be happy or sad. She asked me to be her guinea pig which I didn’t mind. I know she asked because most people know about my situation with Gillian although I don’t discuss it as much with people that weren’t around during that time in my life, it does come out. So I accepted and immediately became extremely nervous about talking about it but somehow felt special that she asked.
So I knew all day at some point she was going to interview me and I was nervous like I was looking for a job. The interview went good. She asked what I wanted to talk about it which of course I said my experience with Gillian and she asked why and I of course said it has had a huge impact. We discussed the background, what exactly happened. We discussed how the situation effected my life, my relationship, how it impacted my parents, in-laws and siblings. Basically it was a therapy session in 20 minutes with no crying….bonus for me! I know she got the information she needed which was my emotional reaction to the questions and I actually gained some insight which I hadn’t expected.
First, I now realize that when I talk about my situation with Gillian from finding out I was pregnant until she was out of the hospital and even discussing speech and PT I look away. I can’t look at the person I’m talking to because I become choked up and start tearing up so it is much easier to look away.
Second, was that I really have been through a lot. I guess because it was a part of my life and I got through that I didn’t really look at the big picture. Obviously I realize the situation wasn’t normal but it amazes me to see the facial expressions when I tell the story or share parts of the story. Most people’s reaction is stunned and most responses are, “How did you do it?” Usually, I reply, “I don’t know.” Because I don’t really have an answer, I did the best I could with a terrible situation. It’s the aftermath that is ripping me up. All the what ifs and whys that constantly keep my mind going all the time. But I’m determined to get through this too.
So I knew all day at some point she was going to interview me and I was nervous like I was looking for a job. The interview went good. She asked what I wanted to talk about it which of course I said my experience with Gillian and she asked why and I of course said it has had a huge impact. We discussed the background, what exactly happened. We discussed how the situation effected my life, my relationship, how it impacted my parents, in-laws and siblings. Basically it was a therapy session in 20 minutes with no crying….bonus for me! I know she got the information she needed which was my emotional reaction to the questions and I actually gained some insight which I hadn’t expected.
First, I now realize that when I talk about my situation with Gillian from finding out I was pregnant until she was out of the hospital and even discussing speech and PT I look away. I can’t look at the person I’m talking to because I become choked up and start tearing up so it is much easier to look away.
Second, was that I really have been through a lot. I guess because it was a part of my life and I got through that I didn’t really look at the big picture. Obviously I realize the situation wasn’t normal but it amazes me to see the facial expressions when I tell the story or share parts of the story. Most people’s reaction is stunned and most responses are, “How did you do it?” Usually, I reply, “I don’t know.” Because I don’t really have an answer, I did the best I could with a terrible situation. It’s the aftermath that is ripping me up. All the what ifs and whys that constantly keep my mind going all the time. But I’m determined to get through this too.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Team Gillian's Teams
Gillian was born in March which is prime March of Dimes time as their walks are held in April and May. Prior to Gillian being born I didn't really know anything about the March of Dimes...I had heard of it and donated money to them but never really looked at what they do or why they do it. I learned a lot while I was pregnant. Their site is where I found out the pregnancy I had only happens to 10% of pregnancies (how did I end up in that 10%?) Their site is where I went to to get information after Gillian was born, it is also where I went to find stories when I needed a pick me up and needed to know that everything would work out...The research that they do does change lives...it has changed my family's life. It gave us a child that had better chance of survival because of the work and research they have done.
So I did not walk in April 2006...it was just too overwhelming. So in 2007 I formed Team Gillian in honor of Gillian and to share Gillian's story and hoped to raise some money for the cause. The first year consisted of me, my parents, Craig's parents and Craig's sister...and of course baby Gillian. My hope was to raise $500 for the whole team....we did $1840 that year.
In 2008, we took it a step further and recruited a school club to help, more people came out, people that didn't have the money the year before donated that year. That year consisted of....me, Craig, my parents, Craig's parents, Craig's sister, my friend E, my friend D and her Mom, toddler Gillian and my neice E. Not pictured was the school club. My goal for the team was to raise what we had raised the year before...we did $3160.
In 2009, we took again a step further and added some new members. The team consisted of, me, Craig, my parents, Craig's parents, Craig's sister, Craig's sister's friend L, my friend D, my friend T and her daughter E, Craig's Mom's friend S and her son J and still toddler Gillian. My goal for the team was to raise what had been raised in 2007 due to an economic nightmare going on...we raised $3163.45.
So I did not walk in April 2006...it was just too overwhelming. So in 2007 I formed Team Gillian in honor of Gillian and to share Gillian's story and hoped to raise some money for the cause. The first year consisted of me, my parents, Craig's parents and Craig's sister...and of course baby Gillian. My hope was to raise $500 for the whole team....we did $1840 that year.
In 2008, we took it a step further and recruited a school club to help, more people came out, people that didn't have the money the year before donated that year. That year consisted of....me, Craig, my parents, Craig's parents, Craig's sister, my friend E, my friend D and her Mom, toddler Gillian and my neice E. Not pictured was the school club. My goal for the team was to raise what we had raised the year before...we did $3160.
In 2009, we took again a step further and added some new members. The team consisted of, me, Craig, my parents, Craig's parents, Craig's sister, Craig's sister's friend L, my friend D, my friend T and her daughter E, Craig's Mom's friend S and her son J and still toddler Gillian. My goal for the team was to raise what had been raised in 2007 due to an economic nightmare going on...we raised $3163.45.
I have already started fundraising for 2010 and have another amazing team forming. Currently we have...me, Craig, my parents, Craig's parents, Craig's sister, my older brother T and her wife E, my younger brother S and his GF A, my friend D and her husband B, Craig's brother-in-law, my friend L, my friend T, her daughter E and her parents and we aren't even into 2010 yet:) I am so thankful for the people that have been here through the years. So thankful that for the people that donate. Team Gillian wouldn't be a team without everyone who can't forget what we have been through for our little girl.
My goal again this year is to raise $1840...people probably will wonder why I would aim for an amount less than the last 2 years. My reasoning is first the economy is still terrible and second this amount would bring us above the $10,000 mark for what Team Gillian has raised since being started. It means a lot to me to get to that mark.
2010 is a big year for Team Gillian. We are sharing our story this year with all the walkers. As terrified as I am of speaking publically I feel that it is going to be an incredible experience. My daughter is the center of my world and sharing her amazing journey I think will help. She is proof that the March of Dimes/March for Babies is doing incredibile work.
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