The last 4 years of my life have been the hardest years of my life. It has taken me 4 years to admit that. I had to realize that I can't do it all, realize that I was scared and realize that I have to let others in...
Talking to my friend was the best decision. I feel so much better. The pain I have been feeling is now healing.
This is the first birthday of Gillian's that I haven't cried or felt any anxiety. I enjoyed her birthday and the week leading up to her birthday. Instead of dwelling on what has happened, I looked at my little girl and took in every minute. I had fun and I feel like the people around me had fun.
Normally I spend January through April in a rut of reliving the end of my pregnancy and the first 33 days of Gillian's life. Even though I wanted to move on, I couldn't because it was a life changing and threatening event. It isn't a situation that anyone moves on from, you learn to live with it and continue life. I've learned a lot about myself and the people around me by going to see my friend. I truly wish that I had done it sooner.